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It’s looking possible that Heath Ledger fathered a child when he was 17 years old. He had an affair with a woman who was in a committed relationship, and no one has tested which man is the child’s father. If a paternity test proves that Heath is the father, his fortune will be split between Michelle Williams, his daughter Matilda Rose, and the other child, who would be ten or eleven now.

No details yet on the child’s name or location, but I’ll keep you posted.

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Well, not exactly. Katie Holmes, wife of Scientology enthusiast and heterosexual man Tom Cruise, is in talks to star in a play on Broadway. If the talks pan out, she’ll join John Lithgow and Diane Wiest in the drama All My Sons. If you’ve always wanted to get closer to Katie Holmes (see that stroke-victim half-smile up close and personal!), now’s your chance.

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The biggest stars of the WWE are featured on a giant banner on display in Ontario, FL. Sadly, the banner only serves as a cautionary tale to all who would idolize these faux athletes: do steroids, lose your nipples. Have a look:

Won’t somebody think of the nipples?

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For those of you who can’t get enough information about Britney Spear’s orifices (orifii?), I’m pleased to report that Ms. Spears is currently undergoing a series of colon cleansing treatments at a spa in Beverly Hills. Apparently she’s doing it a few times a week.

Folks, how clean does a colon actually need to be? Do you need to eat off of it? Do you store things in there that have to be in good condition when they come out?

Ah, well. Stay tuned for the inevitable internet release of a guided tour through Brit’s lower intestine.

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Even after her on-set problems during Georgia Rule and the abysmal performance of I Know Who Killed Me at the box office, Lindsay Lohan has another acting gig lined up. I still think she has some genuine talent, so here’s hoping she’ll bring her A game (actually, her AA game — showing up sober would be a start).

She’ll play one of Charlie Manson’s followers in the upcoming flick Manson Girls. I think she’ll do a decent job playing a nice girl who is brainwashed and manipulated, don’t you?

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If you needed more evidence that Dina Lohan really needs to be stopped, check out these pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s little sister from yeeeah.com. Looks Ali’s had at least one nose job, got her layer of freckles bleached off, her lips plumped up (one of the least necessary, always freaky-looking things to do to yourself), and colored contacts. Maybe it wasn’t mom’s idea, but mom had to sign off on it, and does anyone else think that’s pretty sick?

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Wow, check out the engagement ring on Fergie! That diamond’s as big as a thumbnail!

For the record, Fergie still denies that she’s pregnant. I’m inclined to believe her — I think what people are calling a “baby bump” is just a normal stomach on a woman who isn’t starving herself to death. The fact that the “bump” hasn’t gotten any bigger in the past month or two says a lot about that, too. Sure, her face is crudely hewn out of solid slabs of marzipan, but her body is a healthy, curvy, sexy wonderland.

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